It Is to be Said

So, today, I actually wrote the following sentence in an email: "The work decided not to be completed."

Before I eviscerate myself, I decided I ought to wear a scarlet "G" here.

Okay, first of all, work doesn't decide to do anything. Most of the time it just lays there and pulses, calling for your attention.

Secondly, the sentence should have read: "It was decided that the work would not be completed."

Thirdly, what a fucking cop out! That's all the passive voice is. Who decided the work wouldn't be completed?

I have spent too long in corporate America, defending myself from responsibility. Here's what I should have written:

"Okay, fuckwits, in my ultimate wisdom, I laid this shitty assignment to rest because in the end, when I'm rotting in my grave or my ashes are being spread to the four winds, guess what? I won't give a god damned rat's ass whether this gets done or not because you know as well as I do that the idea was STUPID in the first place. Besides, you knew I'd never do it, so why are you asking about it? Cross it off your list. You don't care. And if you don't like that, gee, that severance is lookin' pretty good right now. Wait, I changed my mind because I love two hour commutes home from the office so I can get paged upon entering my apartment. I live for that."