Oversitting

Sure, this is silly and will not make sense to any of my huge fan base of one individual, but I have decided in the interest of furthering ties between continental Europe and the United States, to undertake a Great Project, and that is to begin the hefty task of translating significant works in English to the greatest of all languages: Denglisch.

"Denglisch?" you ask.

"Yes, Denglisch."

Denglisch is a way of speaking which one of my closest friends in Germany and I devised in order to amuse ourselves (cultural relations notwithstanding).

It is, essentially, word salad. I'll dig up that Mark Twain essay about the German language one of these days and reread it. All I remember was (and pardon me if I'm misrepresenting here, but it's been years) the metaphor Twain used to describe German word order, and it had something to do with swimming from one shore to the other end to catch a swimming verb. Verbs at the end of sentences: something Germans famous for are.

So, my first work will be a small ditty from the repertoire of Dorothy Parker:

The original english:

Resume
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

And now, the Superior Denglisch:

The Lifewalk
Razaorapparatuses do you harm;
Rivers are moist;
Sours onecolor you;
And drugs beground cramp.
Weapons are not gelawly;
Nooses give free;
Gas smells fearfully;
No yes, live should we.